What do I need right now?
Most of us have heard someone say: I need a drink! It’s often after a stressful day, a hard conversation, or when something goes wrong. However, as we learn more about the negative effects of alcohol, it’s become increasingly clear that “a drink” is not what most of us need. In fact, it can make things worse. But, what do I need right now? This can be a difficult question to answer. There is something we need in a given situation that can help us cope effectively, but many of us don't know what that is.
To start: What do I need right now? Is an excellent question to ask ourselves. What’s even better is developing an understanding of precisely what we need and when. It’s different for everyone and aside from self-destructive behaviours, there isn't a right or wrong answer. There is, however, the best thing for you.
In counselling, your therapist can help you recognize what it is that you need. This can be done by gaining insight into the ways that you best take care of yourself. Then, through a process of collaborative investigation, you can identify what behaviours work best and when.
For example, in relationships, communication gets really difficult when emotions flare. When this happens and a discussion does not go well, what do you need? For some, it's to put pen to paper and write about what happened, what they think, and how they feel. For others, it may be to go for a walk, cool down, and reflect. Whatever it is, it’s so helpful to know and to get familiar with engaging in these behaviours when we are most in need.
Another example is when we arrive at work flustered, rushed, or stressed.. It can be hard to settle into our work, it can be hard to even get started. What do I need right now? For some, it may be to connect with a calming colleague, others may need to sit at their desk with eyes closed for a 10-minute guided meditation, while others may just need to make a cup of tea and enjoy that before getting started on tasks. Here again, it’s about learning what we need and deploying that at the right time.
Understanding what we need, and engaging in these activities at the right time, is a superpower. It facilitates emotional regulation in a practical and helpful way. It helps us work through difficult experiences and manage stress. It helps us become better versions of ourselves. What do I need right now, is a question we’ll all benefit from knowing the answer to.
-Robbie
